


Some Things in Shadow and Halfway in Light

by AliceSloane13



Category: Mary Poppins (Movies), Mary Poppins Returns - Fandom
Genre: Baby Gay, Coming Out, Eavesdropping, F/F, Mary has a colorful past, but i guess it is now, lurking in the shadows, might end up Jane/Mary, this wasn't supposed to be for pride
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 00:52:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19218286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceSloane13/pseuds/AliceSloane13
Summary: Mary overhears a conversation she isn't supposed to hear but is very glad she does.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I debated on posting this whole thing when I was finished or breaking it up into 3 parts. I settled on 3, so here's the beginning.

Mary lay in her bed and sighed. It was too noisy to sleep. It wasn’t anything particularly loud, for the most part, the household was quiet. Still, there was something, and she knew she’d never get to sleep until she figured out what it was. 

Climbing out of bed and putting on her robe, Mary thought through what it could be. Michael up late working on one of his drawings humming to himself. Ellen once more talking in her sleep. The children trying to sneak down to the kitchen for sweets. 

The only person she was sure it wasn’t was Jane. As chatty as she could be during the day, Jane tended to quiet during the evenings and find solace in the silence. Mary had always attributed it to the young woman wearing herself out. 

And yet, as she made her way down the stairs and to the landing, it was Jane Banks that was indeed keeping her awake. She frowned at the scene before her. It was bad manners to eavesdrop. Mary knew that, of course. However, there were times when some things mattered more than propriety. 

Jane was on the phone, and it was obviously an emotional conversation. Maybe that wasn’t quite a proper enough reason to eavesdrop, but it was for Mary. She stood quietly on the landing, watching Jane from behind. The younger woman’s shoulders were slumped in exhaustion. Probably both physical and emotional by the tone in her voice.

“It’s nothing to do with that,” Jane said, a little too loudly as she tried to reassure the person on the other line. “I’m fine, Louise,” she said firmly. “I just think it’s a good idea for me to be here for a while. And with us...” her voice trailed off emotionally. “Now there’s no need for you to move out right away. You can take your time and find someplace else to stay.”

Mary’s eyebrows rose slightly. From the sounds of it, Jane had been living with someone, but wouldn’t be for much longer. She wondered if Michael knew. Not that it was any of his business. It was still surprising that Jane had never mentioned it.

Jane began to fidget with the belt of her robe, streaming her emotions and anxiety into untying and retying the fabric. “Of course I still care about you,” she continued with an edge to her voice that Mary was not familiar with. “This is for the best though. We haven’t been happy in ages. You know that.”

Watching the younger woman, Mary could see the tension building in her posture. She wanted to go to her but knew it wasn’t her place. Besides, she wasn’t ready for Jane to realize she was there yet. There was still more to this conversation that piqued her curiosity.

“Yes, I know,” Jane said sharply. “I don’t want to go into it again. You’re the one always complaining about how much time I spend here... Well, now it’s not an issue. I’m staying here, and you can stay at the flat until you find somewhere else.”

Taking a few steps, Mary headed towards Jane before abruptly stopping. She didn’t want to interrupt before she finished on the phone, but Mary didn’t like the way Jane sounded. She was upset and in turmoil, and while Jane’s private life may not be any of her business, taking care of the Banks family was. Jane was hurting, and she just wanted to comfort her.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Jane tilted her head back in frustration. “No, I don’t expect you to pay all the bills. You’re being ridiculous. Just send me your half as usual, and I’ll take care of the rest.” There was a long pause, and Jane seemed to slump in some relief. “Thank you, Lou. That means so much to me. More than I can say. There’s just one thing,” she said, biting at her lip. “Saturday afternoon, I’d like to come by to get some things. I would really appreciate it if you weren’t there. I’m just... I’m not ready. Okay?”

Jane turned around and leaned against the small phone table. Her eyes widened as she spotted Mary. As she quickly replayed the conversation in her head, she failed to notice how panicked Mary looked at being caught. What had she said? How long had Mary been listening? Why wasn’t anything Lou saying registering any longer?

Mary could see the fear washing over Jane and shook her head. She didn’t want Jane to think the worst before they even had the chance to talk. She took a step forward but hesitated. It wasn’t like her to second-guess her actions. But this was hardly the same girl she’d known as a child. She didn’t quite know where the boundaries between them lay any longer. Jane had been acting odd around her since she’d first come back. 

“Listen, I’ve got to go,” Jane said, not leaving any room for argument. “Saturday, yes. Thank you. Yes, I’ll call you. Goodbye.” She turned and hung up the phone, but didn’t turn back around. “How much of that did you hear?” Jane asked, voice cracking with emotion and silent tears.

Mary stepped up behind her and rested a hand on Jane’s shoulder. “Enough to know you think I’m judging you,” she said, placing her other hand on Jane’s waist and turning Jane to face her. “Which I’m not,” Mary added, bending her knees slightly to meet Jane’s gaze.

Looking up at her, Jane’s bottom lip quivered. “Really?” Did Mary mean she wasn’t judging her for living with a lover? Was that all she heard? Or did she realize that lover happened to be a woman? Had she said Louise’s name? Jane prayed that if she had, she’d called her Lou. She was so flustered she couldn’t even remember half of what she’d said.

“Really,” Mary said, trying to reassure her. “I also heard enough to know that you’re hurting.” Her instinct was to pull Jane into a hug, but instead, she cupped the younger woman’s face. “Let’s go somewhere we can talk,” she added, knowing that the hub of the house was unlikely to stay empty for long–no matter the hour. Gently, she grabbed Jane’s hand and tugged her along behind her, up the stairs, and to her room. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane and Mary talk about what Mary has learned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mary's a bit soft and more open in this one. Blame it on the circumstances and a soft spot for Jane.

They quietly passed by the nursery and headed into Mary's room. Jane looked around fondly and smiled. It was good to see the room once more filled with the nanny's things. It wasn't quite the same as she remembered, but familiar all the same.

"Come sit down," Mary said, turning the chair at her vanity towards the bed and sitting down. She patted the bed in front of her. There was no urgency to her voice, just gentle guidance.

Dutifully Jane did as she was told. She folded her hands in her lap and looked down at them.

The fact that Jane wasn't fidgeting felt wrong and Mary frowned. There were so many factors that Mary was uncertain where to start. Jane was upset. Jane was hurting. Jane was scared. Of what? That seemed to be the easiest and most important to deal with, Mary decided. "Jane," she said, drawing the younger woman's attention to her with words alone. "I promise I don't care who you love." Jane's mouth dropped open, but the tremble in her bottom lip kept Mary from scolding her.

Knowing just how much of a gift that was, Jane felt her cheeks flush hot, and she looked away. Her arms broke out in goosebumps, and she shivered slightly–the emotion running through her completely. Turning back to meet Mary's gaze, she tilted her head slightly and felt her eyes water. "Truly?"

Mary nodded and smiled at her fondly. "Truly." She reached over and grabbed one of Jane's hands. After a beat, she continued. "As long as I'm still your favorite."

Laughing, Jane nodded and wiped the stray tears off her cheek. "Who could compete with perfection?"

"Exactly," Mary said. She hesitated before continuing. "Is there anything you want to talk about right now?" She saw the look of overwhelming emotions on Jane's face and nodded, rising to her feet. "Very well." She could sense how exhausted the younger woman was. Just that one little detail coming to light seemed to drain her. "Now come along. We'll talk more when you're ready. For now, you need rest. We have a lot to do tomorrow, after all." When Jane didn't move, Mary grabbed both of her hands and tugged her to her feet.

"What's tomorrow?" Jane asked, not paying attention to Mary, turning back the covers.

Mary helped Jane out of her robe, the younger woman giving no attention to her actions. She gently pushed Jane back down–the younger woman now seated on the crisp, clean sheets. "Well, if you're moving back home, you're going to need a place to stay. We'll need to figure that out and clean up the space."

"Oh! Right!" Jane said, popping back to her feet and completely missing the eye roll she received in response. Running through the rooms in the house, the only space that made sense was her father's study. It was small, but it would do.

"Do sit back down," Mary said, moving to her usual side of the bed. She was hardly going to force Jane to lay down. "We'll figure that all out tomorrow." Removing her own robe and lying down, Mary patted the bed next to her. "For now, you need sleep." She could see Jane's brow furrow in conflict. "It's been an emotional night..."

Jane nodded and interlocked her fingers in front of her. "Yes, sleep. Well, I guess I'm just going to head downstairs then."

"For what?" Mary asked.

Shuffling nervously, Jane looked up at Mary. "I thought I'd sleep on the sofa tonight."

"Don't be ridiculous. No one in this house is sleeping on the sofa when there are perfectly good beds scattered about. Besides, it's still covered in boxes of books that haven't been unpacked. I told Michael that was an impractical place to unpack. Now, are you going to lie down, because your only other option is to go sleep with Michael?

She wasn't opposed to sleeping next to Mary, but the idea left her with very mixed emotions that she couldn't quite explain. Something to address at a later time. Mary was right, though. She was exhausted and emotionally raw. "Michael! Yes, of course. He won't mind. He's in mothers and father's old room. The bed in there is more than big enough. That way, you won't be uncomfortable."

Sighing, Mary grabbed her book off the end table and opening it. "The only thing uncomfortable about this entire ordeal is your needless insistence to argue. Sleep wherever you like Jane, but do get some sleep. Please." She gave Jane a soft smile before turning to her book. She wanted Jane to stay–wanted to be able to make sure she was really okay. It wasn't her choice to make though.

Ten minutes later, Mary felt as though she were being watched. There was a sense of presence that made her gaze towards the shadowy hallway. "You know," she said, closing her book and placing it on the table, "girls who lurk in shadows should seldom be trusted."

"Michael snores," Jane offered, stepping into the room.

Mary couldn't help but laugh. "As expected, now, are you going to stand there all night and catch cold, or are you coming to bed?" she lifted the covers once more, beckoning Jane closer.

"Are you sure you don't mind?" Jane asked, already undoing the knot of her robe, and sliding out of it. Still, she hesitated.

"Oh, for goodness sake," an exasperated Mary said. She leaned across the bed, grabbed Jane by the wrist, and tugged on her until the younger woman all but fell onto the bed.

Jane couldn't help but laugh. She took a few moments to readjust and get settled on her side of the bed, making sure to leave a wide gap between her and the other woman. The bed wasn't big, but it was big enough for them plus a little space in between. Mary turned the light off and bid her goodnight, but Jane couldn't seem to relax. She had been exhausted, but now her thoughts were a whirl.

"Please relax, Jane," Mary said, watching Jane in the moonlight room. The younger woman had her back to her, but Mary could feel the tension coming off her in waves.

Nodding, Jane cleared her throat before answering. "I am."

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Mary raised a hand and rubbed Jane's arm. "You're perched so closely to the edge, I'm afraid you might fall off in your sleep."

"I just..." Jane hadn't really told anyone, but she'd heard the way people talked. The way they all assumed that just because you liked girls, you were going to try and take advantage of any woman available. She rolled onto her back in frustration. She could feel tears filling her eyes, but she didn't want to give in.

"I know," Mary said gently. She propped herself up on one elbow and smiled gently down at Jane. "Do you really think I'm that narrow-minded?"

Looking at her former nanny, Jane was answering before she even had time to think about it. "No, of course not. I just..." she stumbled. "It's all so..." She just couldn't find the words.

"Have you told anyone else?" Mary prodded.

Shaking her head, Jane chewed on the side of her bottom lip. "No, just you. Lou figured it out on her own, and she approached me. There was another girl when I was younger. A few kisses here and there, but nothing serious until Lou. Nothing was ever really talked about except with her. Things would just happen, and then everyone would act like they hadn't."

Mary couldn't imagine all that Jane had put herself through over this. It was such an easy thing, and Mary would never understand why people made such a big deal about it. "That's quite a lot to carry around by yourself, isn't it?" Her voice was gentle and reassuring. She wanted Jane to know that she had someone who supported her. Someone who would be there.

Nodding tearfully, Jane rolled onto her side. "It really is," she whispered.

Reaching forward, Mary tucked a bit of hair behind Jane's ear. "How long have you known?" She brushed her knuckles softly against Jane's cheek, smiling at the way the younger woman's eyes fluttered at the touch.

"Um," Jane said, swallowing hard. "Pretty early, I suppose. There was a boy when I was about 16 that I, uh...."

"Had sex with?" Mary offered. She enjoyed the look of surprise on Jane's face at her frankness.

Jane quickly recovered and just shook her head in amusement. "God, I never thought I'd hear you talking about sex so matter of factly.

"Why not?" Mary asked, knowing full well what Jane meant.

The younger woman's brow furrowed as she thought. "I don't know. You're just always so... you."

"You do realize that most of our conversations happened when you were a child. Not to mention, I don't just go around talking about sex casually. This is different." She didn't offer anything more than that. Jane was an adult. The timing and circumstances were appropriate. "So, what happened with this boy of yours?"

"It wasn't that impressive," Jane said flatly. "He was sweet, and it wasn't even first-time awkwardness. It just... didn't feel right."

Mary nodded. "And your first time with a girl?"

Jane grinned, mirth quickly finding its way to her eyes. "Two weeks later." She paused. "With his sister." She couldn't help but giggle at Mary's impressed look.

"Why Jane Banks..." Mary teased, genuinely surprised at the information.

Jane covered her face laughing. She knew how it sounded, but Mary didn't seem like she was judging her. It had been an awfully fun summer. “It was most assuredly a better experience all around.”

"You know," Mary said, tone turning light and casual. "I dated twins once."

"Oh," Jane quickly corrected, "they weren't twins."

Mary looked at her with a smirk. "You weren't dating them both at the same time either." At Jane's wide-eyed and slack-jawed expression, Mary slipped a finger beneath Jane's chin and closed her mouth. "A story for another time, I think."

"Wait," Jane said, coming out of her shock. "You can't just drop that on me and not finish."

"I most certainly can," Mary said, daring Jane to challenge her. "Tonight is not about me." She paused, watching as Jane's posture softened once more. "How are you feeling?" she asked, brushing her fingers against Jane's cheek once more.

"A bit better," Jane answered, nodding. "Thank you."

"Good," Mary said, sitting up to tuck the covers a bit higher on Jane's shoulders. "Do you think you can sleep now?"

Jane shrugged. "Can we talk a little longer?" she asked quietly.

"Of course." Mary cut her eyes at Jane playfully as she lay back down. "But not about my love life," she teased.

"Okay," Jane said, smiling at her fondly. "I'm so glad you came back."

"Me too," Mary agreed. "Thank you for trusting me," she said sincerely.

"Well," Jane said, scooting just a little closer. "I mean, you were eavesdropping.

Mary pursed her lips, trying to hide her amusement. "Still, I'm glad we got to talk about it."

"Me too," Jane said. She knew there would be more conversations to come in the next few days. They hadn't even talked about Lou or why she was moving home. But right now, none of that mattered. She was home. She felt safe. She felt something akin to peace–a feeling she hadn't known for a very long time.

Mary could see Jane getting lost in her own thoughts. "Jane," she said softly. She grabbed the younger woman's hand and brought the knuckles to her lips. "There is nothing that would ever make me love you less." It was a promise she knew would never be broken.

Jane's face crumbled as she lost control of the tears she'd been holding back. "May I hug you?" she finally asked.

"Come here." Pulling Jane into her arms, Mary laughed gently at how formal she sounded. She kissed Jane's forehead, letting her lips linger for a moment. "You never have to ask." She squeezed tighter for a moment.

Jane slid one arm around Mary's waist, clinging. Her other arm trapped between them. She let herself indulge in Mary's warmth for a few moments, turning her head and leaning it against the older woman's shoulder. Finally, she found her voice. "I know Michael wouldn't hate me, but I don't know if he'd really understand. I can't imagine what Mother and Father would have thought. It wouldn't have been pleasant, that much I know. Even if they came around in the end, it would be a mess to get there. You though, you make me feel normal."

Mary pulled back briskly and tilted Jane's head up to look at her. "You are normal. Don't let anyone ever make you feel like you're not." She watched for a moment, making sure Jane understood her. Once satisfied, she wrapped Jane back in her arms, tucking the younger woman's head beneath her chin.

Jane relaxed against Mary, for the first time in a long time, allowing herself to be comforted. "You always manage to show up at just the right time."

"I try my best," Mary said, dropping a kiss to the top of Jane's head. "Now get some sleep, Jane. We've got a long few days ahead of us."

Jane was already half asleep with no intention of moving unless the older woman wanted her to. "Do you think I should tell Michael?" she murmured.

Mary paused to think about this. Michael could never hate Jane. Even if he didn't understand, he would never make her feel like less. It might take a little time for him to process it, but she didn't think he would push Jane away or make her feel like anything less than the sister he adored. "I think that is entirely up to you. There's no pressure to explain why you're moving home, though. Just see how things go, and if the moment feels right, you'll know."

"Thank you," Jane said, knowing that it was the soundest advice.

"Of course," Mary said, tucking the blankets around them more securely. She hummed gently until she felt Jane go heavy against her and then allowed herself to finally fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :) I have one more chapter in mind for this, but might break it into two. Do you guys want more? Let me know what you think! <3


End file.
